Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
