Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
