So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
