WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
