I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
