Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
