so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
