Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
