I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
