Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
