i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
