I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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