Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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