do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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