Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
