please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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