After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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