I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
