Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
