we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
