I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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