Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
