And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
