Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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