i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
