Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
