Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
