After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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