John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
