it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
