why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
how drunk are you?
Several
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
