so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
