Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm always down for nudity.
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