Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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