its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
