You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
