3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
