But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
