On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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