Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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