I think scott just propositioned me for sex
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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