and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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