If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
