My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
