i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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