Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
