he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
