It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
