I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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