my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
