I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
