she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
