the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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