I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
