He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
do nipples grow back?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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