My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
